Tuesday, February 12, 2013

An Enriching Weekend

But here I am. After speaking on empowerment last Friday at PNW Grappling Women's Training Camp +Sonia Sillan I admitted to myself that I was not "walking my talk" if I continued to avoid this blog site that I was so excited to have +Mike Baltierra +Janet Green  and then let scare me into elusion. "What can I possibly have to say that anyone would want to read?" and "There are so many really great bloggers out there, why add another mediocre one?"  But here I am. I Know My Go. My Go is the anxiety I cause in my gut by tying my worth to an outcome... such as the quality of this post. But here I am. I am going to honor my Go and use it as the fuel of empowerment.

I had an enriching weekend. On Friday at PNWG I spoke before, and with, a group of women jiu-jitsu athletes about empowerment and how to Know their Go. I shared my story and read from Flowing with the Go, letting them know that as women, as athletes, as mothers, daughters, sisters friends and teammates, we all struggle. We struggle with fear and disengagement. We struggle with loss and disappointment. We struggle with resentment and feeling alone. We struggle because, for a while, we let the idea that there is no escape from these feelings consume us. And we waste emotional energy on those feelings. Energy that could be spent living fully, loving authentically and accepting ourselves as the gifts we are.

Each woman there had a story of WHY they practiced jiu-jitsu. A story about how jiu-jitsu gave them courage, physical strength, confidence,  a healthy outlet for stress and a sanctuary of inner resolve that was unique to each personal journey. I feel fortunate to have met these women and learn from them. Sharing is a truly a reciprocal endeavor.

My enriching weekend continued. On Monday I was asked to attend a book club meeting of women who read Flowing with the Go. None of these women did jiu-jitsu. In fact, none of them had any interest in ever doing jiu-jitsu. After the buzz of having the author there died down and I showed my motif of harmlessness - wearing Converse All-Stars with my dress pants - they asked me questions and I answered them all, as best I could. And it was delightful. I said they could ask me anything, When we discussed death and loss, everyone had a relatable story and we all cried. One gal admitted that she didn't finish the book because the beginning was hard and she was too raw from having lost her father two years ago. But she said, even in those first chapters, she found relief in realization that her feelings of transparency and gut-wrenching ache were feelings that I also went through and that she was not crazy. Several women wanted to discuss a statement I wrote about how I felt entitled to my future... my plans about my family and myself - they all felt that way about their lives too. And then when life finds a way to let you know that you are not entitled, that you are not in control - you get scared. So took them to Know Your Go and empowerment, like I did with the BJJ women.

And I was enriched. I was reminded that these emotions are universal features of being human. Two very different groups of women with a common thread. Thank you Carly.

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful post! I am so glad you decided to share your weekend with us.

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